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Rubber band approach dating

John Gottman, a couples therapist and researcher (who actually has a legitimate Ph.

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This is not an indication of a security issue such as a virus or attack.

If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then you’re just letting the rubber band go slack.

You’re making it impossible for him to bounce back to you. When a man does withdraw, it creates all sorts of feelings inside us. And when he comes back, it’s easy to feel resentful. We don’t want him to think it’s just okay for him to pull away.

After 20 years of marriage, there are still moments when my husband gets a little distant from me. Whenever the man we’re with pulls back from us, our first instinct is usually to lean in and close the space. And it also usually causes the man to resist our attempts to get closer. Because by stepping in we’re removing the incentive for a man to get close.

The difference now is that I know that when he does it’s a natural process, so I don’t get worried like I used to. He no longer feels it’s his choice – he feels forced.


  1. Jan 30, 2010 I have always appreciated this juxtaposition but never connected it to the Rubber Band Theory. one of the draw backs of dating in business school is.

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