The way things are with my guy friends, if I became intimate with any one of them, the others would still be friends, and I would probably discuss it with them before rather than after, in case they had any concerns about it, including for themselves.
So how do people 'date' if they don't date friends? Where this relationship was headed, I don't know, but I am sure it would have ended in me losing my wife.
Just find some random person that they think might be good marriage material? I remember this question being asked over twenty years ago when the movie 'When Harry Met Sally' came out. When we just rely on shooting from the hip and trust we are effectively trusting someone who has been snorting cocain to decide to stop snorting cocain. We can trust that they will keep on snorting cocain.
Or do people date specifically to just find a f*ck partner? I was much younger then so I didn't pay close attention to the responses. I am not sure why some folks feel that the boundary of not having intercourse is good enough.
I do think some men are just players in their own mind and know exactly what they are doing. To me if you are hanging out with someone of the opposite sex one on one you are dating. But again I believe this sucks the life out of most marriages. It is about inappropriate behavior that puts a marriage at risk. Again to me unfaithful behavior is the deal breaker whether penis inserts into vagina or not. I am not sure why some folks feel that the boundary of not having intercourse is good enough.
We also have gone round and round on how men feel in these relationships. People have relationships and dealings with members of the opposite sex. The nature of human beings is that we bond with others. These folks tout trust as being the cornerstone of a marriage as opposed to love and respect. Nothing that feels good about a close friend cna be bad ... For me it was a combination of naivete and arrogance.
I do think some men are just players in their own mind and know exactly what they are doing. To me if you are hanging out with someone of the opposite sex one on one you are dating. But again I believe this sucks the life out of most marriages. It is about inappropriate behavior that puts a marriage at risk. Again to me unfaithful behavior is the deal breaker whether penis inserts into vagina or not. I had female friends during the course of my marriage but NEVER ONCE went out with them in a one-on-one situation...always met with them in a group setting with other friends. As soon as I told my friend I'd filed for divorce, he asked me out, I thought we were just going out socially as I knew him to be a social dater, so ignored any attention he was giving to me, and took it to be buddy like behavior...
We also have gone round and round on how men feel in these relationships. People have relationships and dealing with members of the opposite sex. The nature of human beings is that we bond with others. My ex on the other hand was constantly doing the one-on-one thing..of the big things that destroyed our relationship. But then after a few weeks when he seemed to be acting less like a buddy I decided to tell him what had happened the previous summer when I was hanging out with him..I realized I'd fallen for him. I know he was chasing around other women the entire time I was buddies with him, he definitely thought of me as off limits and acted accordingly. So there was some kind of larger reason for how that played out.
I see this often as a misguided feminist agenda with at least some women. While this does not divide equally over gender lines I agree that more women think this is ok than men. That just shows a lack of understanding of brain chemistry and human behavior. He was not, and there was no if's and's or but's about that after 4 months of the second chance.) I stayed remote, out of touch for another month after that.So we have to have proper workplace boundaries and so on. Often these relationships are at some level emotional infidelity. A requirement of an EA is to think one is immune to it.People can argue all they wish about this topic but we do love our friends. It is also very difficult for us to know when the in love chemicals start to work. But even if these relationships do not progress to an advanced EA and then a PA they are at some level if they are close an emotional bond that is some form of EA. This is when that relationship becomes obsessive or actually when that relationship rivals the primary relationship.Doesn't the basis of a good intimate relationship build on a solid friendship first?I don't really see dating as different than friendship building.I heard an interesting story on NPR's Weekend Edition this morning.It was about whether or not men and women can be just friends, with no sexual attraction. I believed her when she said she had no attraction to them (for the most part as some were pretty fugly), but I sure as hell didn't believe her when she said the same thing about them.So we have to have proper workplace boundaries and so on. So how do people 'date' if they don't date friends? Sometimes he was irritating, and sometimes he could be rude! I had no romantic interest in him at all, up to that point of realization. He did not want a relationship, he wanted to play the field. If I had not told him how I felt, he would not have come to my apartment rather than going home when he felt like cr*p after being with his family setting up a yard sale for his mother's estate.Just find some random person that they think might be good marriage material? About 5 months into friendship, I realized I had fallen for buddy. He would have gone home, probably, or stayed over in a motel another night, and he would most definitely be dead. And then get carted away by their nutso guardian-sister. I would be hard-pressed to categorize my relationship with my friend.Before my wife's affairs (especially the one with the former boyfriend that she described to me as 'just a really good friend') I would've said yes. ); These are college-aged women, so maybe a little young and naive?Or maybe it is OK with the women because their male friends are just friends as long as they, the women, decide to keep it that way? I have guy friends I wish would be a bit more demonstrative of their affection.