There’s also a reason that we don’t write many songs about which husband can build you the bigger house. I told her the story that I’ve just told you, and I told her that the worst thing she can do is to keep trying to sit on a fence between them.As you go through life, it’s the emotional connection and understanding that count. Even if she can’t see how it’s going to happen, trying to have it both ways was going to mean . We had a long and intense conversation Saturday afternoon, but I might never hear from her again.She was very much in love with me, and she wanted to marry me. All that was left was breaking the news to the other woman — who had been hoping all along that I’d end up with her.By early July, I had decided that was what I was going to do. On Saturday, July 5, 2008, I arranged to meet the second woman at a restaurant to talk, so I could break the news.She told me about how she had grown so much since she had known me and that she was afraid of what would happen to her without me. and we were still talking when the place closed at 11. I tried to explain why I needed to marry the other woman — that I loved her and that we were more compatible — but it was gut-wrenching. I knew who I loved, but I couldn’t bear hurting the other woman as I was.We moved to stand in the parking lot near our cars for another hour or two. I told her that it was what I wanted and needed to do — and that’s the way we left it when we finally parted around 4 a.m. And the more I thought about that, the more I found excuses to justify delaying a decision. To make a long story short, early in the week, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. The one I loved begged me to marry her, and I knew it was what I wanted.I told her which choice made sense to me — based on what she was saying — but I told her whether she agreed or not, she had to make a choice. (I gave her my card and asked her to let me know what she did.) After she walked away, all I was left with was to ponder my own history — and my own devastating loss.
What’s worse is that she begged me to change my mind.I eventually started seeing her regularly, but there was never any real feeling or connection there, despite the fact that I tried to force it.I couldn’t commit to her, because she was a convenient, pragmatic back-up plan, not a woman I loved. The other one could have been a good and stable wife, even if I could have never had the connection I had with the first.I knew she was going to be hurt, but I had no idea what the night was going to be like.I felt terrible telling her that I was going to marry someone else.Life doesn’t come with convenient signposts letting us know which is the path to happiness and which is the path to misery, so we’re stuck taking blind gambles. And we frequently end up with regrets that we carry to our graves. Sometimes we have chances to change mistaken choices we’ve made. But all along the way, we’re guessing and hoping, no matter how much thinking and reasoning we bring to bear on our choices.In the spring and early summer of 2008, the first woman and I had talked a lot of marriage.I had some legitimate fears about things in her that I didn’t understand at the time, but I knew I loved her and wanted her.With one guy, she feels the magical connection that most of us want to feel and that a few of us have felt in a very real way. What’s more, she feels that he needs her far more than she needs him.He’s apparently a great guy who will be a good father and husband — and he’s more financially stable — but the things she likes about him are mostly in her head, not her heart.