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The question then becomes what features surround this hookup?I will review some of the findings from Paul and Hayes, who studied individuals’ hookup experiences (I recommend that you consult the complete study as space constraints do not allow for a full discussion of their work).For some couples, behaviors like looking at porn or flirting on Facebook might be perfectly OK, so long as the couple has agreed that the behavior fits within the boundaries of their relationship and secrets are not being kept.

That is, for many individuals a relationship happens like this: you find someone, hookup with him/her, if it’s enjoyable it continues, and after hooking-up for a while, you may start a relationship.

Consider these examples: None of these individuals has had an in-the-flesh sexual encounter outside of their primary relationship, and yet all four have been accused of infidelity by their spouse.

These scenarios beg the question: A few years ago, in an attempt to answer this question, Jennifer Schneider, Charles Samenow, and I conducted a survey of women whose husbands were engaging in significant amounts of extramarital sexual activity, either online or in the real world.

This is quite the change from traditional courtship…I don’t say this to be judgmental, and I recognize that this trajectory cannot be applied to everyone—but still, this is a pattern for some people.

Whether or not the above pattern applies to you, unplanned sexual hookups happen with strangers or, in this case, newly found friends.


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  2. Mar 20, 2013. That said, this study helps us become aware of the emotional and physical risks of random hookups. If you choose to engage in a hookup, please take appropriate precautions as this involves sexual activity with a stranger. With that in mind, I leave you with the following Paul and Hayes found 38% of.

  3. Oct 20, 2016. Ella insists that nothing is going on, that all she's doing is chatting with an old friend. She says, “You don't get upset when I talk to any of my other friends, so you shouldn't care about this, either.” Michael has been looking at porn and playing virtual sex games online several nights a week for a year or more.

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