Another factor is time: "The clock starts ticking on the end of a marriage as soon as one spouse puts the [couple's] problems out in the open," says Bryce Kaye, Ph. "If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both of you is spending all your time at work, with friends, online—and if feels like a relief not to be with each other—it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage."Some marriages encounter damaging, seemingly insurmountable problems—such as infidelity, the loss of a close family member, or a long sexual drought—and rebound from them.
When that's gone—when one partner consistently feels dismissed, rejected, and condescended to (and the other partner doesn't see it or refuses to talk through it), you're in a bad place.
No matter what he or she says about the innocence of such a relationship, "nothing good can come out of it," notes Kaye.
A major part of marriage involves trying to fulfill your partner's needs while also making sure your own needs are met.
One day, he is caring and loving and wonderful, and the next he is hateful and raging and mean. You are afraid to talk, or when you do talk you feel like you are never heard, your words are taken out of context, misunderstood, or blatantly ignored. In the beginning of a relationship they might seem like everything you ever wanted….usually this is because they are trying to act like everything you ever wanted. You have no support group and therefore your partner gains more power. He or she might be mean to people they think are “below them” or people who are defenseless, like babies or children.
Like flipping a switch, he can change drastically from one extreme to the next. He or she acts one way when they are around you, but completely different around your parents, and completely different around their friends. Slowly, you lose your friends until you feel like your partner is the only person you have left. Your partner cycles from mean and vicious to sweet and loving, then back again. He might set traps for squirrels or rabbits and then torture them.